Your Words

I have loved you for what seems like ages

You said you loved me too
But gradually this changed
It was odd that you kept using the same words
Did you think I would be convinced?
Your actions were heartless and your words worthless
You didn't see that your passion was gone
When you thought I didn't notice, I saw you looking for another love
My heart broke when you told me that I shouldn't be concerned

A few months have passed and you now realize what led our love to ruin
I am angry
Angry because I believed your words
My love for you was not defined or dependent upon your efforts

We are distant now
Our relationship will take time to mend
But please know that I still love you with a love that seems unfamiliar to you
This love is written in the very fabric of your being. I can see it.

Today we know in part but a day is coming when you will fully know the depth of my love for you

A love I seemed to lose

A love I seemed to lose.
Interesting, isn't it?
The ebb and flow of our relationship.

The years that passed when I felt alone, hopeless and abandoned?
Yet you never left.
You were always with me in the shadows.
Now you are in full color.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

 

Touch

You placed your hand firmly on my arm and then you laughed. Jovial in your expression. Fearless. Defenseless. Unconcerned with my thoughts of your motive. Unchanging amidst others judgment of your intention.

The joy in your eyes is remarkable. The gentleness in your touch is unmistakable.

Your touch gently breaks past the barriers. Your touch reaches down into the depths and with it brings Light.

Though unaware, your touch heals some broken part of me that escaped and stayed hidden in the darkest night.

The Day He Visited Us

Many people ask me what it is like to be part of a body of believers who are seeking to live by the indwelling life of Christ. I am often asked: "What do the times that you meet together look like?" I wrote this in reflecting on our meetings and hope this post conveys just a small glimpse into what I see when I meet with this precious group of people.

The Day He Visited Us

You visited us today.

 

You walked in casually - a few minutes late. We all gathered together and sang "Resting Place" ... that one song you love.

 

I looked up from where my eyes had fallen and there you were- tears gently resting in your eyes as you gazed at each of us. Even though the song was slow, I could see the excitement of a little child in Maureen's posture as you looked at her and grinned. It was as though she wished to run, throw her arms around your neck and hug you at that very moment. Then your eyes met Lon's eyes. I could see that there is a deep intimate understanding the two of you shared. You've been friends for many years- journeying through the glory and trials in the journey of life. There was s serious calm in your gaze. Meredith caught your eye and you mouthed eleven priceless words - "Meredith, your spirit is with me. You are complete in me." Her expression softened as she sang "Here Oh Lord have we prepared a resting place". Then you slowly moved to stand between Roger and Linda. Roger rested his arm over your shoulders, tears slipping down his cheeks. He remembered the quiet moments when your love saturated his. He recalled the common bond the two of you share. He continually tells us of the unending love he has for you. Thankfully you never grow tired of hearing our stories of how you have taken us and transformed us into your likeness. Mrs. Linda wrapped her arm around your waist, leaned over, kissed your cheek and whispered "I love you". Just as we sang the phrase "where will my resting place be?" a loud clap of thunder shook the house. Your gaze met Janine's and you smiled at one another like you knew a secret that can only be shared between best friends.

 

As we continued to sing the simple lyrics "Heaven is my throne and Earth is my footstool"... I heard two voices, you and Wendy's voices, just a bit louder than the rest. Together... your voice with hers and her voice with yours. Though they were uniquely distinct - they were one. Your voices harmonized, flowing in and out together - one complimenting the other like a beautiful dance. When we finished singing, you quickly moved from between Roger and Linda to face Walt and Corina. You placed your hand on each of their shoulders, forming a small circle. You whispered sweet words of hope. We all gathered around you to speak these words of encouragement to this precious couple. I didn't hear everything you said to them, but I did hear you say "Rest in ME. In my time and through my means the wildest dreams, only the dreams that I have given you, will come into reality." Then you turned and whispered in Mrs. Bonnie's ear. As she giggled her eyes lit up with delight. She reached underneath her chair and handed her poetry book to you. You opened the book to the very first page, read the poem to us, then looked up and said: "All of you may not know this, but Bonnie and I have been writing poems together to share with you for quite a while." Then you turned the page to the very last, looked assuredly at Mrs. Bonnie, nudging her to read the poem that you wrote together the night before.

When she finished, you stood in the middle of the room and turned to look at each of us. As you looked into our eyes you said:
 

    "You are the home that I am building for myself. It is not for you to strive. Rest in Me. You are completely free. Come to ME you who are weary. I am your rest. You have heard the cry of my heart - for my resting place. This is why I have drawn you - each and every one of you here together. I will build my home. Blessed are you because you are not offended on account of me. You each have searched for me- not your idea, your agenda, not your desire to mold things to your wish dream- and you have found me. I am with you. I am in you and I am working through you. I am revealing myself to you and you, my beloved bride, are my resting place."

Dear Grandpa

I miss you. Today I was missing our weekly Saturday morning phone conversations... the ones when I would roll out of bed and call you immediately because I knew you'd have been up for nearly 3 hours and ready to take Grandma out to breakfast. You'd tease and say that since she'd been a good wife that week, you'd splurge and reward her with coffee and a roll from McDonalds. We would laugh and you'd talk about the weather or how your garden was doing. Or... how Grandma had been listening to Joyce Meyer too much and had gotten caught up in the feminist movement and you needed to take her down a peg or two (lol) =]. You'd always take time to ask me how my car was running and nearly every time you asked about my love life.

I miss your simple way of looking at everything. It was simple in that charming way. You were a common man, but you had an incredibly uncommon way of looking at life and caring for others. Even if someone had upset you, you would still give them the shirt off your own back when they were in need.

I still remember the first time you told me you loved me. Usually, I would tell you first, and you'd say "You too dear!" But one day just a few years ago, you finally told me you loved me too. I was so excited! I knew you weren't one to express your emotions too much, and to me this moment meant the world! Thank you for saying that. Thank you for telling me you love me.

Miss you. See you soon. I love you.

Nischelle

remember

"Remember your first Love"

re·mem·ber/riˈmembər/
Verb:
Be able to bring to one's mind an awareness of (someone or something that one has seen, known, or experienced in the past).

the Light. the Hope. once poured into every part. dispelling Darkness. it's those little points of light that work in and bring relief. rest. relief and rest from what some call the dark night of the soul.

everything



sunset

One of the more glorious sights during my getaway weekend
to Pensacola Beach last week. The sky was so many shades of
lavendar, pink, bright yellow and orange.
So amazingly beautiful.

when she smiles

The worst pain for a girl is when she smiles, just to keep the tears from falling and sleeps, just so she doesn't have to think about it.

When she throws away the key to her heart, just so absolutely noone can come again, find it, and break her heart all over again.

The worst fear for a girl is when she hears all those words she heard the last friend say... she hears the promises that he will always be there for her, he'll cherish her heart and treat her the way she should be treated... then cautiously, carefully she trusts ... and yet again he does the same thing the others did.... leaves when it gets just too complicated, requires too much of him and asks too much.

The girl doesn't want him to have all the answers, she doesn't want him to "complete her". She just wants him to be the one who keeps his words. the words she cherished when he said he was cherishing her heart. She just wants him to sit beside her as she cries and say again "we will work through this together"

The worst pain for a girl is when she smiles, just to keep the tears from falling.

today we said goodbye

4/28/12 :: 5:05am

we all stood there around your bed, crying... holding your hands, touching your arm and telling you that it's okay to leave. that we'll see you again soon. Nicole stood next to you with her hand on your heart, Grandma kept kissing you and telling you she loves you. Uncle Kelly was holding your head. Uncle Bruce asked Jesus to come and get you. Aunt Rebecca assured you that it was okay to let go. Dad.... Dad just kept crying and telling you that we'd see you soon. Alyssa couldn't stop watching you. just looking at  you. I wanted to keep holding your hand. all 13 of us were there with you. we weren't  going to let you be alone when you passed through the valley.

but before you took your last breath, i know you heard everything we said to you. i know you heard us tell you how much we love you. you heard the bluegrass music i had playing at the bedside there in ccu. you heard Nathanael on the phone when he called to tell you that he would keep your memories alive in his heart. you heard Brendan tell you  that he was so thankful for the example of a Godly man you had been to him. you heard Dad when he prayed for you as you struggled to breathe, when he buried his head next to yours, tears soaking your pillow as he told you how much he loves you. how great of a dad you are to him.

we all stayed there with you hours after you took your last breath.
it was so hard to let you leave. and then, to leave you.

now we say goodbye...
goodbye to the times you called just to see how the weather is
 the countless times you called to ask me how my love life is...
 and normally my answer was "the same as last time you called Grandpa"

goodbye to hearing you say all those old, funny sayings.
  the ones that we all loved to hear you say because noone says it like you do
goodbye to your warm hugs and the funny way you pull on your suspenders and tell us how we all
take after you and your good looks.

i miss you.