whole and unbroken

have you ever had one of those days.... weeks.... or months
where everything that could go wrong has?
you weren't prepared for it
it just all came
crashing
down
around you
and there you are left
grasping at the pieces
desperately imagining them whole and unbroken

what does that mean anyways?
here we are east of Eden
we seem so far removed from those days people speak of
...those glory days when God walked with man.
these days I wonder.... amidst all the brokenness and tears, anger and fear-
where is God? where is His people?

i've spent many years searching for Him.
in those early adult years- naive and gullible-
truly desiring to love God and love people. to share life with them
then they use you.
...use you for their cause, their mission and their agenda
and leave you
...leave you for the new 'direction', new love and new calling
and you grasp, searching for Him in the moments your broken heart screams pain
the hours when words escape you and only tears sweep down your face
wondering where is love? where is faithfulness?

a decade later and still i'm experiencing the same results
much deeper, more painful results...
where is God? where are His people?

every day i hope for the time when all these pieces
in my hands
will be whole
when the complete hope and love i once knew ten years ago will be restored.
'til then
i remain
completely broken
************************

It's been nearly 9 months now since I wrote this and I'm seeing that although it may not "feel" like it in the moment... the Lord is with us in brokenness. He meets us here.

Jesus said: "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick."